The Flame Read online

  My shabby career

  With a white cigarette

  And a curtain of beer

  I begged you to come

  I begged on the phone

  How wrong can you get

  I was better alone

  I am trying to finish

  My shabby career

  With a little truth

  In the now and here

  MOVING ON

  I loved your face, I loved your hair

  Your T-shirts and your eveningwear

  As for the world, the job, the war

  I ditched them all to love you more

  And you’re gone, now you’re gone

  As if there never was a you

  Who broke the heart and made it new

  Who’s moving on, who’s kidding who

  I loved your moods, I loved the way

  They threatened every single day

  Your body ruled me, though it’s true

  ’Twas more hormonal than the view

  And now you’re gone, now you’re gone

  As if there never was a you

  Queen of lilac, Queen of blue

  Who’s moving on, who’s kidding who

  I loved your face, I loved your hair

  Your T-shirts and your eveningwear

  As for the world, the job, the war

  I ditched them all to love you more

  And now you’re gone, now you’re gone

  As if there never was a you

  Held me dying, pulled me through

  Who’s moving on, who’s kidding who

  WAS I ALONE

  Was I alone

  When we swore

  To keep it true

  Was I alone

  Or was I there

  With you

  Temptations

  There were more

  Than a few

  Was I alone

  Or was I there

  With you

  Was I alone

  When the mind

  Was split in two

  Was I alone

  Or was I there

  With you

  There was death

  But I knew

  What to do

  Was I alone

  Or was I there

  With you

  You’ll have to wait

  If you’re waiting

  For an argument

  With me

  You’ll have to wait

  Till it’s over

  And life and death

  Agree

  COME AND SEE

  come and see

  they will say

  you did not know me

  they will say

  you did not love me

  they will say

  you did not thirst

  for the taste of me

  they will say i lied

  about our youthful encounter

  when i lifted my hem

  and i let my form shine through

  the folds

  of a terrible day

  40 years i wandered

  in your desert

  a moment of your beauty

  and 40 years of breathlessness

  to balance it

  40 years of remorse

  40 years of disappointment

  sleep which gives no rest

  caress which does not calm

  excitement with no background

  arousal from no depth

  the shallows of excitement

  because it was not you

  and a hand across my mouth

  to silence me

  a clever fatigue

  to shut me down

  a knot in my throat

  a blow to the brain

  a sweet distraction

  to kill the appetite

  a flush of sugar

  to kill the appetite

  and then forgetting you

  for 40 years

  building houses

  for women

  whom you sent

  to remind me

  see how i failed you

  but that doesn’t mean

  it never happened

  this began

  and fizzled out

  once again

  too tired

  to love you

  or look for you

  in the suffering

  and did i forget to thank you

  for what i felt

  a moment ago

  when you beckoned me

  with god knows what

  drunken promises

  THANKS FOR THE DANCE

  Thanks for the dance

  It was hell, it was swell, it was fun

  Thanks for all the dances

  One two three, one two three one

  There is a rose in your hair

  Your shoulders are bare

  It’s a costume

  But I’m a believer

  So turn up the music

  Pour out the wine

  Stop at the surface

  The surface is fine

  We don’t need to go any deeper

  Thanks for the dance

  I hear that we’re married

  One two three, one two three one

  Thanks for the dance

  And the baby you carried

  It was almost a daughter or a son

  And there’s nothing to do

  But to wonder if you

  Are as tired as I am

  Of leaving

  We’re joined in the spirit

  Joined at the hip

  Joined in the panic

  Wondering if

  We’ve come to some sort

  Of agreement

  Thanks for the dance

  It was hell, it was swell, it was fun

  Thanks for all the dances

  One two three, one two three one

  It was fine, it was fast

  We were first, we were last

  In line at the

  Temple of Pleasure

  But the green was so green

  And the blue was so blue

  I was so I

  And you were so you

  The crisis was light

  As a feather

  Thanks for the dance

  It was hell, it was swell, it was fun

  Thanks for all the

  dances

  One two three, one two three one

  A STREET

  I used to be your favourite drunk

  Good for one more laugh

  Then we both ran out of luck

  And luck was all we had

  You put on a uniform

  To fight the Civil War

  I tried to join but no one liked

  The side I’m fighting for

  So let’s drink to when it’s over

  And let’s drink to when we meet

  I’II be standing on this corner

  Where there used to be a street

  You left me with the dishes

  And a baby in the bath

  And you’re tight with the militias

  You wear their camouflage

  I guess that makes us equal

  But I want to march with you

  An extra in the sequel

  To the old red-white-and-blue

  So let’s drink to when it’s over

  And let’s drink to when we meet

  I’ll be standing on this corner

  Where there used to be a street

  I cried for you this morning

  And I’ll cry for you again

  But I’m not in charge of sorrow

  So please don’t ask me when

  I know the burden’s heavy

  As you bear it through the night

  Some people say it’s empty

  But that doesn’t mean it’s light

  So let’s drink to when it’s over

  And let’s drink to when we meet

  I’ll be standing on this corner

  Where there used to b
e a street

  It’s going to be September now

  For many years to come

  Every heart adjusting

  To the strict September drum

  I see the Ghost of Culture

  With the numbers on his wrist

  Salute some new conclusion

  Which all of us have missed

  So let’s drink to when it’s over

  And let’s drink to when we meet

  I’ll be standing on this corner

  Where there used to be a street

  I PRAY FOR COURAGE

  I pray for courage

  Now I’m old

  To greet the sickness

  And the cold

  I pray for courage

  In the night

  To bear the burden

  Make it light

  I pray for courage

  In the time

  When suffering comes and

  Starts to climb

  I pray for courage

  At the end

  To see death coming

  As a friend

  LYRICS

  Blue Alert

  BLUE ALERT

  There’s perfume burning in the air

  Bits of beauty everywhere

  Shrapnel flying; soldier hit the dirt

  She comes so close. You feel her then

  She tells you No and No again

  Your lip is cut on the edge of her pleated skirt

  Blue Alert

  Visions of her drawing near

  Arise, abide, and disappear

  You try to slow it down; it doesn’t work

  It’s just another night I guess

  All tangled up in nakedness

  You even touch yourself

  You’re such a flirt

  Blue Alert

  You know how nights like this begin

  The kind of knot your heart gets in

  Any way you turn is going to hurt

  There’s perfume burning in the air

  Bits of beauty everywhere

  Shrapnel flying; soldier hit the dirt

  Blue Alert.

  She breaks the rules so you can see

  She’s wilder than you’ll ever be

  You talk religion but she won’t convert

  Her body’s twenty stories high

  You try to look away, you try

  But all you want to do is get there first

  Blue Alert

  INNERMOST DOOR

  Nowhere to go

  Nothing to say

  You won’t hear my voice

  Till it’s far, far away

  I’m too tired now

  To fight anymore

  We’re saying goodbye

  At the innermost door

  When I am alone

  You’ll come back to me

  It’s happened before

  It’s called memory

  I must go back

  To where we began

  When I was a woman

  And you were a man

  If you come with me

  I’ll never begin

  We made us a home

  But the roof’s fallen in

  When I am alone

  You’ll come back to me

  It’s happened before

  It’s called memory

  I’m not even sure

  If I know where to start

  But starting is second

  First we must part

  I’m too tired now

  To fight anymore

  We’re saying goodbye

  At the innermost door

  THE GOLDEN GATE

  Looking back, to San Francisco

  Wearing my blue Chinese dress

  A yellow jacket with padded shoulders

  Smoking Sobranie cigarettes

  Four o’clock and the fog comes in

  We all remember the sea

  For several seconds our sins are forgiven

  Mine against you, yours against me

  Don’t wait for me and don’t be sorry

  Forget all the letters we wrote

  Leave to the foghorns our lonesome story

  Let them sustain the heavy note

  We order another margarita

  Sipping it slow by the window

  Nobody needs an Indian teacher

  All they need is San Francisco

  For we are driving most carefully home

  Down roads that are floating and veiled

  The Golden Gate

  It’s still gold

  It’s still great

  Nobody’s drunk

  Nothing has failed

  HALF THE PERFECT WORLD

  Every night she’d come to me

  I’d cook for her, I’d pour her tea

  She was in her thirties then

  Had made some money, lived with men

  We’d lay us down to give and get

  Beneath the white mosquito net

  And since no counting had begun

  We lived a thousand years in one

  The candles burned

  The moon went down

  The polished hill

  The milky town

  Transparent, weightless, luminous

  Uncovering the two of us

  On that fundamental ground

  Where love’s unwilled, unleashed,

  Unbound

  And half the perfect world is found

  NIGHTINGALE

  I built my house beside the wood

  So I could hear you singing

  And it was sweet and it was good

  And love was all beginning

  Fare thee well my nightingale

  ’Twas long ago I found you

  Now all your songs of beauty fail

  The forest gathers round you

  The sun goes down behind a veil

  ’Tis now when you would call me

  So rest in peace my nightingale

  Beneath your branch of holly

  Fare thee well my nightingale

  I lived but to be near you

  Though you are singing somewhere still

  I can no longer hear you

  NO ONE AFTER YOU

  I danced with a lot of men

  Fought in an ugly war

  Gave my heart to a mountain

  But I never loved before

  I’m nervous when you turn away

  My heart is always sore

  Tuxedo gave me diamonds

  But I never loved before

  Been on the road forever

  I’m always passing through

  But you’re my first love and my last

  There is no one, no one after you

  I’ve lived in many cities

  From Paris to L.A.

  I’ve known rags and riches

  I’m a regular cliché

  I tremble when you touch me

  I want you more and more

  I taught the Kama Sutra

  But I never loved before

  Been on the road forever

  I’m always passing through

  But you’re my first love and my last

  There is no one, no one after you

  Thought I knew the facts of life

  But now I know the score

  Been around the block and back

  But I never loved before

  NEVER GOT TO LOVE YOU

  The parking lot is empty

  They killed the neon sign

  It’s dark from here to St. Jovite

  It’s dark all down the line

  They ought to hand the night a ticket

  For speeding: it’s a crime

  I had so much to tell you

  But now it’s closing time

  I never got to love you

  Like I heard it can be done

  Where the differences are many

  But the heart is always one

  The memories come back empty

  Like their batteries are low

  It
feels like you just left me

  Tho’ it happened years ago

  They’re stacking up the chairs

  Wiping down the bar

  I never got to tell you

  How beautiful you are

  I never got to love you

  Like I heard it can be done

  Where the differences are many

  But the heart is always one

  Don’t know how it happened

  But I missed the exit sign

  It’s dark from here to St. Jovite

  It’s dark all down the line

  THE MIST

  As the mist leaves no scar

  On the dark green hill

  So my body leaves no scar

  On you, nor ever will

  When wind and hawk encounter

  What remains to keep?

  So you and I encounter

  Then turn then fall to sleep

  As many nights endure

  Without a moon or star

  So will we endure

  When one is gone and far

  CRAZY TO LOVE YOU

  I had to go crazy to love you

  Had to go down to the pit

  Had to do time in the tower

  Now I’m too tired to quit

  I had to go crazy to love you

  You who were never the one

  Whom I chased through the souvenir heartache

  My braids and my blouse all undone

  Sometimes I’d head for the highway

  I’m old and the mirrors don’t lie

  But crazy has places to hide me

  Deeper than saying goodbye

  I had to go crazy to love you

  Had to let everything fall

  Had to be people I hated

  Had to be no one at all

  Tired of choosing desire

  I’ve been saved by a blessed fatigue

  The gates of commitment unwired

  And nobody trying to leave

  Sometimes I’d head for the highway

  I’m old and the mirrors don’t lie

  But crazy has places to hide me

  Deeper than saying goodbye

  THANKS FOR THE DANCE

  Thanks for the dance

  I’m sorry you’re tired

  The evening has hardly begun

  Thanks for the dance

  Try to look inspired

  One two three, one two three one

  There’s a rose in my hair

  My shoulders are bare

  I’ve been wearing this

  costume forever

  Turn up the music

  Pour out the wine

  Stop at the surface

  The surface is fine

  We don’t need to go any deeper

  Thanks for the dance

  I hear that we’re married

  One two three, one two three one

  Thanks for the dance

  And the baby I carried

  It was almost a daughter or a son